My daughter has flown the coop. It's been about a year and a half.
The first week was so painful. My daughter, Laura, moved out of my house and to Eagle, ID, from North Plains, OR. It was bad enough that she was moving out, but that she was moving 8 hrs. away to a different state even, was more than I could handle. I am fine with her living on her own, but not getting to see her on a semi-regular basis is really hard. That first week was really hard. It intensified things when my husband moved his son into her room after three days. I remember thinking, "how could you?" It was gut wrenching. My throat felt like it was clenching up and I was losing air, and the tears flowed frequently. My face was contorted and I just wanted to die. I could not go into her room for months. The cat that we've had since Laura was 5 still lived with me. She would not leave Laura's room, and whined at the door. It was breaking my heart.
Laura left in January of 2012. My husband and I took Laura some of her belongings and the cat, Tigger, in March of 2012. I could not stand hearing how sad the cat was. It was bad enough I was sad.
At first Laura would text me daily to let me know she was ok. It took her a while to find a job, probably 9 months or so. She almost had to move back to Oregon. Her Dad had given her money to buy a car, but she had to live on it because she wasn't finding work. She finally found a job, in a fast food restaurant.
Laura posted pictures of her at house parties and of her going out to bars with her friends. I was happy that she was getting out and making more friends, besides her friend from high school that she moved there for and was a roommate with.
By May I had a yearly family BBQ on Memorial Day. My sister and my nephew surprised me with picking up my daughter and bringing her to our gathering. It was soo great. What was funny is my nephew was on his way back from a road trip and picked her up on the way back from Texas. And I had invited my sister and nephew to the BBQ. When my sister and nephew were almost to our house, he called to ask if they can have dinner with us. He also told me he picked me up something on the way back from Texas. At first I thought, well that was sweet, him bringing me a souvenir. Which he has never done before. At the time, I was busy making dinner and I was running here and there and didn't think anything of it. Until, I got into the shower and had a minute to reflect on what he said. He picked me up something from the way back from Texas. Hmm...then it dawned on me....OMG! Laura is here! I instantly started to cry, of course. At first when I was about to get out of the shower, I thought maybe Laura would be sitting on my bed. But I came out of the bathroom..no Laura. When I went downstairs, I talked for about ten min. with my sis and nephew. Then, Ronnie, my nephew, asked if I wanted to see my surprise. I said yes, of course. He opened the back of the van, and I saw Laura's glasses. I said, Laura, where are you? I see your glasses. I did tell them Ronnie kind of gave it away. And they said they were afraid of that. That was a good weekend. Kim, my sister, was going to take Laura back to ID, but I wanted Laura to stay and she also had do get to DMV, because her drivers license never showed up that she had earned back in January. She had to do that in person. So she stayed one more week.
The next time I saw my dear daughter after that was for Christmas. So, I got to see her three times that first year. So happy to have that. My sister, Kim had also come and my other nephew Randy. We had a great Christmas with my sister and my daughter there as well. I loved it.
After Christmas, Laura went home. I started to get used to the new schedule of seeing Laura. I thought I could just see her every 3 months or so. Unfortunately, Laura has to work a lot. They run a skeleton crew at the restaurant she works at. It is a Mom and Pop kind of business. The owner does not really run that place like he should. And Laura has told me so many things that violate labor laws. Like not paying time and a half for overtime. She barely gets any days off, and when she does they try and call her in anyhow. And she takes the hours because she wants the money.
The next time I get to see Laura is in March again. This is when Bart's kids have spring break. We decided to take them to see Laura. Although, Bart has four kids and only three of them went on this trip. The other one is 20 and at the time had lived with his girlfriend.
We stayed in a nice hotel, which had a pool. We also took them to a family fun place where all the kids got a pass to go on the go-carts there. They all had fun. We took them out to lunch and dinner's. For breakfast the hotel had a really nice breakfast bar, which we took advantage of. But, all good things eventually come to an end and then we had to leave. I do not like leaving her there. But this is what she chose. And she is an adult and has to be able to grow..and she never will if she does not make her own decisions and make her own mistakes.
By this time, even though she may have not seen it coming (or did not want to admit it to me), her relationship with her so-called "best friend" started to deteriorating. I have heard stories of him doing things without her all the time. Laura would blow it off and just say she didn't like to go out with him anyhow because he got way over drunk and didn't want to be around him. She did mention that he and her would go to a bar together and sit with different people. Which she thought was really odd.
Laura knows that I do not like her friend, because I think he is all out for himself and not her friend at all. He has now proven that, by kicking her out of the trailer they are living in. Even though she knows I do not like her friend, I stopped pulling her to get away from him long ago. I figured eventually he would show his true colors to her. And I was right. It is just too bad it took him seven years to do so.
Now, she has figured out how to stay in Idaho and has moved into a different trailer with one of her friends' daughter and her kids. However, her friend will not let her have her cat there. Which means I have to go pick up the cat. Well, meet her half way to get the cat. At first when she told me the original friend was kicking her out, she asked me to come pick the cat up. I told her I will not drive 16 hrs. and spend $300 to just come pick up a cat. She said she would figure out how she would get the cat to me. Then asked if I would at least meet her half way. I told her I would. I just wanted her to feel some of this pain too. I am not always going to be able to do everything she needs me to do and she needs to figure out some of this stuff for herself. After all, if she wants to play adult she needs to act like an adult, and figure out her own responsibilities and not ask Mom to help her on everything. So, at some point I will meet her in Pendleton, for her to bring me the cat. But, now the ex-friend is trying to charge her another months rent for having the cat and a few more items in the trailer. She called me yesterday with her concern that he may take our cat, which we have had since Laura was 5 (she is almost 23 now), to the humane society. I told her to go and get the cat now. She said she was only on a 20 min. break from work, and she was unable to get to Tigger until she got off from work, at 9:30 at night.
Laura told her ex-friend that he would not give him a dime more. He told her he would change the locks and not give her stuff back until she paid him the rent. So, I am afraid that he will do awful things to our cat. She went to get Tigger last night. I guess she didn't have transportation back to her trailer in Meridian, and ended up staying with Tigger, at the old trailer, but she has to work today at 1. I asked her if she will take Tigger to Meridian before work. She said she would try.
It's not fair that Laura is supposed to be an advocate for her cat, yet she will not do what is best for this kitty. She is afraid to cross her other friend that does not want the cat at the trailer, even temporarily. She keeps telling Laura to take the cat to the humane society or to give it to a good family. Like Tigger is nothing. Laura keeps telling her new friend that this cat is like her child, I've had her since I was 5 and I am not doing that.
Just because this new friend doesn't understand the relationship she has with this cat, doesn't mean that she just can't accept what is, is. I don't really like her new friend. This new friend is really controlling, just like the other one. She keeps telling Laura that she is fat. She tells Laura that she looks dirty. I'm really not sure why either one of them are friends with each other. I would not want to be friends with someone who tries to tell me what to do and puts me down constantly. And this friend of Laura's is in her 40's. Why does she want a friend that is in her 20's? And why does Laura want a friend that is in her 40's? Weird if you ask me. The only thing I can think of is that this friend has never grown up. She still drinks heavily. She still works in fast food, and has another job at a sporting goods store. She needs to grow up. Laura is constantly her DD. Laura says that this friend has been a better friend to her than anyone ever has, even her other friend that she just severed ties with. Now she is telling me her new friend wants to buy her a car and braces for her teeth. That is a BIG red flag for me. Why do you have to buy your friends?? This friend is a lesbian and has hit on Laura, mostly when she the friend is drunk. Laura tells me that she has told this friend that she likes guys...so, no, stop hitting on me. But, I fear that she is trying to "turn" Laura. Not that Laura is turnable. But, my other sister is a lesbian and apparently it is a point of pride to be able to "turn" an otherwise straight girl into a lesbian. I am scared for Laura. This person is controlling, and Laura lets her consume her days. I don't like it. To make matters worse, this lady is Laura's somewhat boss at her work and makes the schedule. She keeps scheduling Laura to work on the days Laura plans on coming to see me and bring Tigger to me. Yet, she will not let Laura have her at the trailer, and she keeps telling Laura she needs to finish moving. She can't have it all ways, and schedule her to the max and not let Laura do what she needs to do. I think she is playing Laura. Laura has to use one of her vehicles to take Tigger to me. I don't think she will let Laura do that. And I think that she is either trying to force me to come 8 hrs. away, or force Laura to give up her cat. Either way, I will be pissed off if either one of those is true. I will not come 8 hrs. to get Tigger. She wanted the cat, and she needs to be responsible for her portion of this. It is not fair to me, or Tigger what is happening. It is really stressing me out.
This has been a really long post. It's been a year and a half since my daughter has flown the coop and a lot has happened. From now on, I suppose it will just be specific situations, nothing I have to catch up on. Writing really helps to calm me down.
